So Begins My Sabbath

After a wonderful day of study and learning yesterday, today has been a fiasco. Despite numerous attempts to work, I have only gotten five verses translated and NO reading done. And it's not because I haven't tried to...

Life happened today.

Boy 2 needed to play in the snow and ice, so I sat cozy in the living room watching him through the front window (the best stuff was in the front yard). But it's hard to study and keep an eye on the world outside. Besides, Boy 2 is tremendously fun to watch when he does not know he is being watched.

Boy 1's science project group was supposed to meet at my house today, but due to inclement weather decided to attempt a cyber-meeting. The chaos that ensued required far more intervention from me than I had planned (and I had planned on not intervening at all!).

By the time I was done helping Boy 1 and Boy 2 it was time to pick Mark up from the airport, after which I finally settled in for a bit of reading. Before I knew it the doorbell was ringing as friends arrived to share their 4 year-old son with us while they celebrate their anniversary, and then it was time to make dinner.

Now dinner is done, the boys are all playing happily, and Mark is generously cleaning the kitchen for me. It's an ideal time for study, except that I now have indigestion (and it's not from the yummy soup I made for dinner) and no creative energy left.

It's cliche to say that life is like that sometimes. Best laid plans. Life happens. But cliches result when truth is so true it gets repeated over and over.

So instead of getting mad or frustrated or forcefully ignoring the discomfort of indigestion to read with an unfocused brain what I will have to re-read tomorrow because of tonight's lack of focus, I'm going to give myself a break. Instead of demanding that I stick perfectly to my study schedule I am going to rest, relax, and recover.

And so begins my sabbath. Praise God for His wisdom in telling His beloved creation to rest.

70 x 7

How many hours must I read today? Seven? 

I love learning. I love days when I can spend nearly all of my time delving into the depths of knowledge. Those days are rare. Most of the time I catch an hour or two here and there. Often it feels like learning in sound bites.

But today...today was a day dedicated to the pursuit of understanding.  

And to finish all my reading for this seminar in Acts will take 70 x 7. I'm gonna need a whole lot more days like today!!!

A Perfect Storm (and I Ain't Talkin' 'Bout the Snow That's A-Comin')

I am officially stressed out.

I work pretty hard to keep my stress level pretty low. I am very careful to maintain plenty of room in my life for the unexpected. And I can be pretty flexible...I generally roll with the punches and am able to keep the stress that does sneak in from time to time from affecting too much of my life.

Today was a grand exception. Today I cried over my children at work and fretted over work at home. Today I wound my intestines up tight and made my stomach sick. And not once to I stop to breathe a prayer and rest in the flow of God's grace. Today I got stressed out.

Nothing in particular happened today to force me off of my punch-rolling path; it was more of a convergence of events. A perfect storm, if you will.

So I came home after carpool, ate a bowl of Ramen noodles (I forgot just how good those taste), drank a Diet Dr. Pepper, and played on my iPhone for awhile. Now, only an hour or so later, I am feeling much better. My mind is clearer, my belly better, and I am not snapping at my boys.

I don't like feeling like I did earlier today; and getting out of that place usually takes a lot more than a bowl of simple carbs and a bit of caffeine. I have done my share of living a lifestyle of stress, and I desperately do not want return to it. It is days like today that keep me motivated to maintain a lower stress level in my life and in  our home.

And it is days like today that remind me that I can, no matter how hard life gets, stop and rest in God. (I just forgot to today.)

P.S. I don't advocate comfort food and video games as a rule for de-stressing, but sometimes you just gotta stop thinking and chillax (can chillaxin' be a verb? I just made it one.).

So What?

At the end of Kairos Outside weekends (see Friday's post if you don't know what Kairos Outside is) around the world our guests are asked two questions:

1.  What did the weekend mean to you?
2.  What are you going to do about it?

Our guests do not have to share their answers out loud, though there is an opportunity to do so if they choose. Mostly we want them to contemplate the things they saw, heard, and experienced over the course of the weekend and articulate their overall experience so that they may go forward with intentionality.

Far too often we/I experience life-changing, transformative moments and then move on as though nothing happened. We fail to integrate the moment into the narrative of our lives so that the impact is lasting and powerful.

And that's what I love about what I call the "So What?" question. So what if I learned a life-changing truth today? So what if that experience was transforming? How will that truth/experience impact the way I live my life from that moment on and enrich God's Kingdom on earth?

I AM WAY TIRED

If you indulged me last week by reading my long post about Kairos Outside you know I have been gone for three days. If you didn't, you just read the previous sentence and now know...

In any case, the weekend ministering to women was marvelous and, of course, I was changed far more than anyone I would have been ministering to. I spent the weekend watching God moving powerfully in individuals, small groups, and the group at large.

After returning home yesterday afternoon I slept for several hours before spending an hour with the boys. Then I crashed for the night.

Now I sit in class (as the students and professor discuss something not on the proverbial test) trying to keep my eyes open and, more importantly, keep my brain functioning. Three cups of coffee and a diet coke only do so much...consequently the following is all I've got for you today:

I AM WAY TIRED!!!

KO is God Granting Respite

I will be gone over the next few days ministering to women who have loved ones incarcerated. Some of the women who attend this weekend's retreat will already know God, others will not. All of them, however, will know the shame and grief of having a child or spouse or parent in jail.

I have served this ministry, West TN Kairos Outside, as a Spiritual Director for many years now and find that it is by far the most transformative experience of all the ministry God invites me into. There is nothing more life-changing for me than to enter the sacred space of the lives of our guests and speak God into that space.

Last year I was asked to write an article for the international newspaper published by Kairos Prison Ministry International, our parent ministry, about the work here in West Tennessee. Below is the full text of that article, but fret not, it is not a dry, monotone listing of the ministry's activities. Rather, it is a heartfelt outpouring of my response to God's work through the weekend retreat.

You may find a few of the references a bit cryptic since I was writing for those who know the ministry and, therefore, would understand the references. However, I feel certain the power of God's work comes through.

Posting this article here certainly makes for a long blog today, but I ask your indulgence. In any case, since I will be away serving this ministry, I will not be able to blog for 3 days, so think of this as your final push of reading before a 3 day weekend.

As you read, please be mindful that this very thing is happening once again this very weekend. I covet your prayers for our guests, for the team I am honored to serve with, and for my own wisdom and strength to be that of the Holy Spirit.

Be blessed!

"The Positive Effects of Kairos Outside"

It’s a familiar scene. 60 women: 20 guests, 40 team gathered in the small chapel, crosses hanging around necks, ready to walk across the hall to the community room.  But this time the walk led to something less familiar: a rare glimpse into the true, deeper working of God.

Closing itself is a common enough occurrence in the KPMI world. Every weekend in every branch celebrates closing with the larger Kairos community. This time, though, a theme would surface that would bring both joy and heartbreak to the witnessing team and community.

The walk across the hall to the community room is full of joy and thanksgiving. The guests enjoy the rambunctious entry into their new community. Then, when all is quiet and the women in their seats, the invitation to share comes. And so it begins…the sharing by the guests of what the weekend meant and how it will change their lives.

I don’t remember who said it first, but I remember how deeply it struck at my heart. “I have never been around people who are so positive. All these women are so genuinely happy and positive,” a sentiment that would be repeated throughout the course of this closing.

The first heartstring resounds with joy; God gave these women respite in a community of happiness. Not surface, false cheerfulness, but a deep and abiding hopefulness that comes only from God and rises to the surface as a positive, happy, cheerful confidence.

The second heartstring rings a deep bass of sadness as I realize what this means. It is no surprise to me; after all, this is the very reason we host Kairos Outside weekends. But the deep, melancholic tone has a different tenor to it and my soul hears it in a completely new way: God gave these beautiful guests respite from communities that are filled with darkness. Sadness, fear, anger, despair are the true and genuine feelings they meet daily in their communities. And to this they will return in a matter of moments.

Heartbroken, I found myself on my knees over the course of the following weeks praying for the darkness in these communities to be lifted. Praying for shafts of God’s light to penetrate and warm our new KO sisters and those who live with and around them.

It is so easy to go about familiar ministry and become complacent about the effects of the ministry. No one does it purposely, but we get used to hearing that a life was changed, a sense of worthiness granted, and isolation lifted.

The moments when my soul connects at a deeper level with the cry of another soul are the moments God uses to remind, inspire, and humble me. Kairos Outside is more than a weekend. It is more than OL, SD, TL, and Agape. It is God granting respite. And it is God sending shafts of His redeeming light into the darkest of communities through the transformed lives of His guests.

The Smallest Member of Our Family

Through the course of this blog I have introduced the members of my family and our various quirks and endearing qualities through myriad stories. I have not, however, said much about the smallest member of our family, Wee 1.

Wee 1 is the now 6 month-old who stays with us 3 days a week while her mommy and daddy work. She has eyelashes to die for and a smile that will melt your heart. Tremendously good natured and happy, she brings a sweet light into our home.

Having Wee 1 around is very much like have a niece in the neighborhood. With all of our family far away, the boys are getting a chance to experience having a cousin...and Wee 1 loves it, too. She gives Boy 2 her belly laugh at his peek-a-boo games and gets mad when Boy 1 passes through the room without stopping to hold her. The mutual bond she and the boys have formed warms my heart.

And, of course, we have accumulated a bunch of Wee 1 stories. For instance, no matter how much she claims to be "so dainty," she can belch with the big boys. And just tonight we were laughing at her coy little fake cough she uses to get us to look at her when she slips out of the center of the universe.

No, Wee 1 does not make me long for another one of my own, nor despair that I never had a daughter. But we are grateful for the blessing she brings into our home and the enormous trust her parents show us every time they leave her here.